I am well aware that I have a personality. I mean, who doesn't. And by personality, I don't mean the nice one. Notice it in italics?
This personality of mine can be annoying to some, or most, people. I understand though. My friends are like that at times too. Birds of the same feather, right?
I joke around, and some of my comedy is pretty dark. I get a laugh or too, and that's fine. I'm a little bothered that people don't get it, but life goes on. Not every joke works, there's different buttons for people.
I come on too strong sometimes. Other times, not at all. Zilch. It depends on the mood, the setting, and who I'm actually meeting. I could be drunk this time and I could be more friendly towards other people. I could be in a really humid place and be too allergic to entertain the likes of you. Or you could just be ugly. Or too handsome or pretty. Those things can intimidate people, and don't you deny it.
I don't mind my personality. If it gets pointed out, I do take notice. Sometimes, you just don't up and change yourself though. I mean, people can see you this way and think if they tell you to change this side of you then you'll be a better person. But who are they to tell you so? If those people are telling you what to be, then they should have been your parents instead.
At this point in my life, I'm faced with the trouble of having a long-time friend accepting who you are for most of your friendship. However during a long time sharing each other's company, this friend suddenly just decides to stop being one with no heads up. Just like that, I had lost a friend. The friendship was dear to me, I won't deny that.
When that happened, I asked the source if I did something wrong. Apparently, I didn't, but the silent treatment didn't really help. I had concluded that since I didn't do something wrong, I was someone wrong. And I was right. Days passed, and I had proof that the other party stopped trying because of my personality. (Italics for effect, *read in a mocking tone*)
I doesn't help that this long-term event lasted a long while so both of us had to suffer each others' company in silence. But soon enough, I didn't care. If someone didn't want to be your friend, you probably don't want to be theirs either. Since then, I didn't really have to suffer, just silent.
It doesn't help that people ask why we're still not friends. I tell them that it can't be helped. I will always be this guy. Making amends isn't really an option when the bottom line is changing yourself in the process. Why should I try when the other won't? There was no middle ground. Birds of the same feather flock together, but like poles repel.
Oh, did I mention, she's a girl? Yeah, she's kind of a dick too. (figuratively, of course)
I don't like that too. There's a double standard here. I understand that one thing both sexes does exactly the same can be interpreted another way by different people. Most times, females can get away with a lot more things than males can. It's the way the world works, I guess.
So much for that. But in light of recent events, someone else had labeled me as annoying. And I didn't give them any reason to do so, and it irritated me. I was so cautious not to cross this person, and I explained my side of the story. He wouldn't have it.
Sometimes, I think people assume I'm just trying to annoy them. Sometimes, they're right, but for the most part I'm just being me. And it sucks that people conclude that I'm just being a dick because they've already labeled me as such.
If I know you, and you're reading this post. I know you know who I mean, and this isn't meant to put down that person. For the other person, you could take a guess, but I'm thinking there are a whole lot of people you could choose from.
I'm just glad I have my friends, the people worth having around who understand me. Those who I don't really have to watch what I say, who will share a laugh.
It's good to have friends that will stay that way.
