Funeral For a Lover

A death of a friend, a lover leaving you, these are all pretty sad things. Things that can make one cry. And after watching someone in an emotional moment, I realized that I've never actually felt sad and cried about something.

The two things mentioned above, I've been through. And at my age, it's uncommon to have a friend as young as you just fade away. My friend died of bone cancer which I've heard is the most painful kind of it. I don't actually know, but I'd imagine any type of cancer is pretty bad. During the final months of existence, we, of course, were optimistic he'd pull through after he went to China to get his operation.

The last conversation I had with him was when I saw him log-in in his YM account. And we chatted for a while. He had told me that his pain limited him to only some things, like typing with only one hand -- in which he did. During this time, he was in China and I was at home, not worried at all about his cancer.

Time went by, and he was back in the Philippines. He was weak. And to my knowledge, he couldn't get out of the house because he probably couldn't. One night, I was at a friend's house. My friend got a phone call telling us that our friend had succumbed to his disease. In that instant, we stopped playing. One thing I regret was not visiting when I had the chance. Some friend I am.

We went to his wake and I saw my friend just break down. He was the closest to our friend who'd just died. And again on the day of his burial, when he spoke in the eulogy. During the eulogy, I teared up, hearing all those stories about how he lived. Every year on All Souls' Day, we visit him.

When I was 18, not too long ago, I had a girlfriend. Long story short, I was rebound. The relationship didn't last very long. I'd rather not dwell on the topic because frankly, I'm still a little pissed on how that all went. When we broke up, I felt angry. Not sad, but angry. Since then, it's just a little annoying that I see her every once in a while at school.

So, I am either only teary-eyed or just angry. Are those the only two emotions I possess? Of course, those aren't the only emotions I have. But these get me thinking, will I ever feel what it is to be really sad? What it means to have a friend die at such an early age? What it means to have a lover leave you? Or are these the right kind of feelings to have in these kinds of situations -- get teary-eyed or angry?

Is it?

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Rest in Peace, Aaron So.