It has happened. After a week of anguish, my biggest fear has finally come to life. This is not something I would wish upon anyone. My dear reader, I have failed.
I got the news Tuesday morning. I had given my admission slip, a piece of paper where the grades are written on, to my teachers. And as I wait for the news, I sat outside the faculty room. And then the door opened and my teacher handed out the slips. I had received mine. Slowly, I opened it. The first thing I had noticed was my "ANAT 3(Kinesiology)" grade. There written was 3.0, which was a passing grade. My first reaction was to jump up and down. This is not at all an understatement. I had really jumped UP and DOWN with joy.
But joy soon turned to gloom when I had seen my other subject's grade, a failing 5.0. It was for PT3(Principles of Evaluation). I had been informed that most students who fail in the 3rd Year, 2nd Semester had failed either of the two subjects, Kines or PoE. It was not at all shocking that I had failed, but not at all good either.
After the joy from jumping up and down had ran out, I sat on a step and thought about the repercussions of failing said subject. I would be a year delayed due to the fact the subject was a prerequisite to upcoming subjects in the Fourth Year. Two Subjects, to be exact. It was a better outlook than failing in the First semester, where most of the subjects are required for most of the subjects for the 2nd Semester.
I had decided early on that if ever I did fail, I would rage on with the course and finish what I had started. Some people just give up and shift to another course. Some people would transfer to another school, sometimes it wouldn't be their choice.
A year delayed.
A year sounds like a long time, but really it isn't. Time flies by quickly. I just wish I don't fail another subject next semester. And I sure hope that I don't fail the same subject again. I would probably hang myself if I do.
There are some people who have taken the class more than once already, even more than twice. And now they still failed. How could someone fail the same subject twice? Thrice even moreso? The thought of failing my subject again gives me a sort of unwillingness to continue and try again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me -- a perfectly applicable saying.
As I have written in previous blogs, summer classes are not an option, for me. And it seems so for the others who failed the same subject as I did. Most people who failed PoE, also failed Kines -- a pair, those two. And there is a 9-unit limit to taking summer classes. Both PoE and Kines are 5-unit subjects, so it's impossible to take both for Summer. Most people are picking Kines, and somehow that makes me happy. Summer classes are opened if alot of people failed in that subject and decided to enroll in it. The more people, the less they would pay for tuition. At some point, my classmates were willing to pay Php 15,000.00 to take a certain class. But I guess, the admin didn't allow it.
Of course, my happiness is one-sided. It's selfish to feel that way, really. But if they could have taken both for Summer, I would have been equally glad for them, yet equally bitter.
I had failed one subject, only one. Thank God for that. Some of my classmates had two. And some, three. A few, four. It's hard enough to know that I have to deal with my one subject, but knowing some of your friends have it worse than you do, it's just difficult to comfort them. Two, sure. But Four is just heartbreaking and I feel bad for them. I really do.
Well, at this point, I couldn't really do anything. I'm set to leave on the 3rd of April. Even if I wanted to stay for summer class, I would be unable to. A kind of win-meh situation.
And I haven't even started packing yet.
UPDATE (04/01/11): It seems that no Third year subjects are open for summer. None at all.
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Don't be afraid to fail. Don't waste energy trying to cover up failure. Learn from your failures and go on to the next challenge. It's OK to fail. If you're not failing, you're not growing.
--- H. Stanley Judd
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